Want to be Successful? Just Be a Flirt!

As a woman in a the male-dominated field of social gaming, I often find myself struggling with my identity.  I tend to be more emotional and compassionate than my male counterparts who tend to be strictly competitive.  However, I’m seeing data that describes women’s friendliness as having an economic price for them:

One of the interesting conclusions was that friendly women pay an economic price because by demonstrating warmth signals they are seen as less competitive and self-interested.

So what does this mean?  Trying to be my natural self might be costing me in the long run?  Should I stop being friendly and start being just one of the guys?  I mean – I do want to be one of the guys. However, I’m also reading this is bad too!

women who violate gendered expectations incur negative social consequences. In other words, evaluators tend to make negative judgments about women who behave in masculine ways to fulfill the needs of their jobs.

Yikes!  So what’s a girl to do?!?  As it turns out, there are studies suggesting women should take a different stance – they should use their sex to their advantage by being flirty to increase their negotiation skills at work:

Should you Flirt to get Ahead at Work?  Study says:  YES!

Women who Flirt, Um, Negotiate, at work are more Successful

Flirting your way to the Corner Office

What?!  So I have to flirt in order to be successful?  As dirty as this feels – I can certainly see where this is coming from.  Outside of the workplace, I’ve been offered ‘extras’ by men without even flirting at all.  Get your head of of the sand!  I’m talking about things like extra slices of meat at a sandwich shop, drinks at a bar and of course free entry to dance clubs.  The articles point to the fact that women who are flirtatious in negotiations actually come off more confident.  I already know I’m confident… but do others perceive me to be that way?

Even still, there are people in the opposite camp who suggest flirting is bad for a woman’s career and there are those who urge women to be careful not to go too far:

When Flirting Goes Wrong

Hey Women:  Turns our Flirting and Not acting like a Man will get you Everywhere in your Career

Flirting with success: Women can indeed charm their way to better deals, study shows

In fact, Laura Kray, the woman who conducted this study shares her thoughts:

Kray acknowledges that to be overtly sexual is demeaning and can have negative professional consequences. But she argues that there are “shades of grey” to the approach.

As the book goes, there are fifty shades of grey.  It’ll take some time to wrap my head around this one!

This is an Outrage!

Ever wonder how many of the women you work with have experienced sexual harassment?  Look around your office and count the women you see.  Now divide that number by 4 .  That’s how many.

ABC News posted an article last November detailing that 1 in 4 women report having experienced workplace sexual harassment.  And, only about 41% of these women reported the harassment to their employer.  What’s worse:

Among those who’ve experienced harassment but did not report it, four in 10 were either concerned about the consequences of making a report, or didn’t think it would do any good. (Fewer, three in 10 didn’t consider it important enough,) And only a modest majority of women, 56 percent, think that if they did report harassment it would be handled fairly.

Let’s speak up and put an end to sexual harassment.  Let’s take it seriously and let’s not let it be a taboo topic.

Don’t get your panties in a wad!

I’ve been following the Ellen Pao sexual harassment case against the Silicon Valley Venture Capitalist firm, Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byer.  Ellen Pao alleges ongoing sexual harassment and retaliation beginning from when she started at the firm in 2005.  She could’ve easily settled this case in private without the potential career damaging effects of a formal lawsuit.  However, if she wins she may set new legal precedence which can further protect women’s rights in the workplace.  In fact, by even just making the case public, she’s already brought further awareness to the subject.  I can’t speak to the merits of the case, but I do applaud Ellen for having the courage to take this matter public and to help fight for women’s rights.

Women still have a very long way to go to get true equality in male-dominated fields.  In situations like Ellen’s, I often read statements from the defending companies explaining how they have “more than the average amount of women” for their field and they “highly value diversity.”  These statements can sometimes make me cringe.  This is certainly a step in the right direction, but the true problem is how the teams function and not just that women are included.

To illustrate this point, I’ll tell a story from my childhood.  I’m a year and a half younger than my brother, Rick.  When we were about 5 and 6, Rick got invited to a friend’s house.  I so desperately wanted to go to too.  Rick wanted boy time with his buddy and didn’t want me to go.  However, my mom convinced him to, “let her tag along.”  And so that’s what I did – I tagged along.  But they didn’t let me play in their “reindeer games” so to speak, and really, I didn’t want to play them either.  I didn’t want to bash legos with He-Man action figures or participate in a wrestling championship in the living room.  I ended up spending most of the afternoon with his friend’s mom helping her cook dinner.

As an adult, I sometimes get deja vu when in situations where the overwhelming majority is male.  Sometimes I feel like I’m just tagging along or, I give in and try to squeeze myself into a male ‘mold’ just so I can be like ‘one of the guys.’  But, I’m not a male, I’m a female!  And females often interact differently than males – but how do we do that with a group of guys who just…. want to be guys?

Sexual harassment regulations help to raise awareness on some of the differences between people – they tell us not to talk about dildos at work or share photos of scantily clad women.  To some, this can be normal chit chat.  People who aren’t comfortable with it have two choices – go along with it to try to fit in, or speak up but be pegged as a buzz kill.  Even if a topic of conversation is legally acceptable but off-putting to them, this same choice still exists.  Take Kixeye’s recruiting video for example – I wouldn’t particularly want to have a vulgar conversation about shoving my passion and degree up a plush ponies ass until it blossoms into a fuzzy rainbow colored turd, bitch.

The thing is, guys are probably not aware that this is going on and I don’t blame them.  But what I would say to them is, imagine if it were the other way around.  What if the majority wanted to talk about finding the right size bra at Victorias Secret or topics related to the dreaded P word… our periods!  In fact, if I were to bring up things like an intimates sale at Victoria’s Secret or gasp… tampons, guys would likely walk away.  But when you are one of only a few women, it doesn’t make sense to walk away every time a guy says something off-putting.

It’s not usually the content of the conversations which I can find hard to go along with though, nor do I want to talk about panties.  Most times I find the true differences to be with the  mannerisms or the use of humor.  Let’s find a middle ground, mkay?

Be Proud: Wear your Rings

Marissa Mayer is the newly appointed CEO of Yahoo, a Fortune 500 company.  Not only is she 1 of only 20 female CEO’s among the Fortune 500 companies (4%!), but she is assumed to be the first to be hired during a pregnancy.  Mayer has explained that Yahoo Execs knew of her pregnancy before hand, but they “showed their evolved thinking” in hiring her anyways.  Wow, I find this to be great news for women and a wonderful statement from Yahoo.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had with a friend years ago.  When I was searching for a new job she recommended I not wear my wedding rings to interviews.  ”Because at your age they might assume you are pregnant, will request time off right away and they’ll ultimately factor that into their decision.”  Yikes, really?  I figured not wearing my rings to the interview was for the best.

In more recent times, I’ve had the luxury to not worry so much about this.  And really, if a company doesn’t want to hire me because they assume I’m pregnant, I don’t want to work there anyways.  So, I wear my rings to job interviews.  But now that Marissa Mayer and Yahoo have made a statement that pregnancy didn’t factor into their decision, I’ll be proud to wear my rings the next time around.

Marissa Mayer and Yahoo, you are my heros!

Kixeye’s Barbaric Recruiting Video

After seeing Kixeye’s video, “The Interview,” I knew I had to post my personal opinion about it here.  While the video is hilarious and high-quality, it only detracts any desire I’d have to work for this company and I’ve heard I’m not alone.  Take a look here:

In the video, CEO Will Harbin asks, “What’s best in life?  Is it to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women?”  He further explains how this is only a good start.  And, while waving a giant dildo in the air explains how an employee at Kixeye will make games that when described to their grandchildren in 40 years will cause the kids to cry.

I know the quote with “lamentation of their women” is from Conan the Barbarian, but this still irks me in the wrong way.  If you remember back to my posts – Wanted:  More Girls in Gaming and Wanted:  More Girls in Gaming, Part 2, you’ll remember how I describe the gaming industry as a man’s world.  I believe Kixeye’s barbaric representation of the games industry hurts this cause!

However, it’s clear neither I nor the majority of women are the companies core audience – both to play their games or for a game job.  So perhaps they achieved what they set out to do.

Wanted: More Girls in Gaming! Part 2

In my previous blog, Wanted:  More Girls in Gaming! I talked about the value of diversity on teams and how there are too few women in the games industry.  Today, a colleague happened to mention some of the same concerns I’ve been having.  She shared an article from Business Insider, Meet the 21 Most Powerful Women in Mobile Advertising.  It talks about how the original Mobile Power List was intended to be gender neutral but not a single woman made the cut.

As nice as it is that Business Insider created a list to highlight successful women, I find it devaluing that one of the Most Powerful Women listed is a spokesperson who is best known for wearing pink.

kelaine212, a Business Insider reader summed up my thinking perfectly:

You have a list of amazing strong women that have succeeded in a highly dominant male industry because of their brains and savvy and you include a spokesperson on the list? I’m sure she’s a great spokesperson but that’s not what this list is about and you really diminish the credibility of this list by including her. Very surprised by this.

However, the real issue is – why aren’t there more women in the most powerful roles?

Wanted: More Girls in Gaming!

Even though I tend to work on games intended for women, I often find myself as one of the only females on the design teams.  I don’t get it!  Women provide a different perspective to game design conversations which are already so subjective.  There are even studies that point to women as being more empathetic than men – a valuable skill for game designers to harness in their work as well as in leadership.

We need more girls in games!  Apply here:  http://www.tinyco.com/jobs.php

OK, if you’re a guy you can apply too